Entry #27 - Memory Sticks, Literally

I think Em Em needs to learn the concept of "a picture is worth a thousand words."

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And you can get these pretty memory sticks at OOOMS.

Entry #26 - The Road to Destruction Is Paved with Good Intentions

This is going to be an evil entry. Em is evil. Therefore Em will like this entry.

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The road to destruction is paved with good intentions:-

Example #1 - Gifts, specifically useless gifts

I'm Asian. I'm not above accepting cold, hard cash as gifts. It makes a wonderful gift. Truly, you should try it next time. Unless you know for certain that I've said at some point in time I wanted a specific item AND that you are certain I STILL want that item, cash is a fantastic alternative. After that, gift certificates (to some places that I will USE, like Amazon or eBay) are almost just as good. (And thanks for that Amazon gift certificate, Em. It turned into our wonderful panini grill that Hubby loved. :D)

Every time we move we rediscover this try and true fact:- almost every gift we received are bulky and useless. It takes up space and waste the movers time, whom by the way, we paid hourly.

What's more annoying than bulky useless gifts are gifts given by friends for Christmas after they specifically said, "Let's not exchange gifts this year." Followed by, "It's just something small." Thanks for making me feel like a moron.

Nobody who knows me remotely would argue with you that I'm vindictive. I live by it. In addition to being vindictive, I also have a very good memory, so I hold grudges for, like, forever. My tip to any new acquaintances are usually: "just don't cross me."

So, my solution to friends who give me nongift gifts are:- return their favor -- buy them a gift. Make sure it's the BIGGEST (as in size) you can find within your price range. Something that's meant to be displayed in the living quarters but mortifying. And make sure that's its ABSOLUTELY useless.

Example #2: "Oh, c'mon."

I don't like kids. Kids annoy to me. Kids always seem to be under the impression that they can get whatever they want (because that's the belief their parents instill in them). For the good ones who don't make that ear piercing screetching sound, they go "please, please, please, please, please." Because they believe that "please" will get them what they want.

The adult version of "please please please please please" is "oh, c'mon." A mature adult will understand that a no is a no. And it doesn't just apply when a male is making a move on a female. A no is always a no. I know the word "yes." When I meant to say "yes," you will hear "yes."

I hate having pictures taken. For some reasons others just seem to have a difficult time comprehending that. Hence the "oh, c'mon." "Oh, c'mon, I just want a picture of you." "Oh, c'mon." I just hate "Oh, c'mon."

Going forward I should just make faces in all pictures till they give up. I'll show you Oh, c'mon.

Entry #25 - The Homework Assignment

Another wordy blog for Em Em. I certainly hope she likes this one. :P

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Here's a prime example of "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus" offered by an English professor from the University of Phoenix: The professor told his class one day: "Today we will experiment with a new form called the tandem story. The process is simple. Each person will pair off with the person sitting to his or her immediate right. As homework tonight, one of you will write the first paragraph of a short story. You will e-mail your partner that paragraph and send another copy to me. The partner will read the first paragraph and then add another paragraph to the story and send it back, also sending another copy to me. The first person will then add a third paragraph, and so on back-and-forth. Remember to re-read what has been written each time in order to keep the story coherent. There is to be absolutely NO talking outside of the e-mails and anything you wish to say must be written in the e mail. The story is over when both agree a conclusion has been reached."

The following was actually turned in by two of his English students: Rebecca and Gary.

THE STORY

First Paragraph by Rebecca:
At first, Laurie couldn't decide which kind of tea she wanted. The chamomile, which used to be her favorite for lazy evenings at home, now reminded her too much of Carl, who once said, in happier times, that he liked chamomile. But she felt she must now, at all costs, keep her mind off Carl. His possessiveness was suffocating, and if she thought about him too much her asthma started acting up again. So chamomile was out of the question.

Second Paragraph by Gary:
Meanwhile, Advance Sergeant Carl Harris, leader of the attack squadron now in orbit over Skylon 4, had more important things to think about than the neuroses of an air-headed asthmatic bimbo named Laurie with whom he had spent one sweaty night over a year ago. "A.S. Harris to Geostation 17," he said into his transgalactic communicator. "Polar orbit established. No sign of resistance so far..." But before he could sign off a bluish particle beam flashed out! Then out of nowhere it blasted a hole through his ship's cargo bay. The jolt from the direct hit sent him flying out of his seat and across the cockpit.

Rebecca:
He bumped his head and died almost immediately, but not before he felt one last pang of regret for psychically brutalizing the one woman who had ever had feelings for him. Soon afterwards, Earth stopped its pointless hostilities towards the peaceful farmers of Skylon 4. "Congress Passes Law Permanently Abolishing War and Space Travel", Laurie read in her newspaper one morning. The news simultaneously excited her and bored her. She stared out the window, dreaming of her youth, when the days had passed unhurriedly and carefree, with no newspaper to read, no television to distract her from her sense of innocent wonder at all the beautiful things around her. "Why must one lose one's innocence to become a woman?" she pondered wistfully.

Gary:
Little did she know, but she had less than 10 seconds to live. Thousands of miles above the city, the Anu'udrian mothership launched the first of its lithium fusion missiles. The dim-witted wimpy peaceniks who pushed the Unilateral Aerospace disarmament Treaty through the congress had left Earth a defenseless target for the hostile alien empires who were determined to destroy the human race. Within two hours after the passage of the treaty the Anu'udrian ships were on course for Earth, carrying enough firepower to pulverize the entire planet. With no one to stop them, they swiftly initiated their diabolical plan. The lithium fusion missile entered the atmosphere unimpeded. The President, in his top-secret mobile submarine headquarters on the ocean floor off the coast of Guam, felt the inconceivably massive explosion, which vaporized poor, stupid, Laurie and 85 million other Americans. The President slammed his fist on the conference table. "We can't allow this! I'm going to veto that treaty! Let's blow 'em out of the sky!"

Rebecca:
This is absurd. I refuse to continue this mockery of literature. My writing partner is a violent, chauvinistic semi-literate adolescent.

Gary:
Yeah? Well, you're a self-centered tedious neurotic whose attempts at writing are the literary equivalent of Valium. "Oh, shall I have chamomile tea? Or shall I have some other sort of FRIGGIN' TEA??? Oh no, I'm such an air headed bimbo who reads too many Danielle Steele novels!"

Rebecca:
Asshole.

Gary:
Bitch.

Rebecca:
SCREW YOU - YOU NEANDERTHAL!

Gary:
Go drink some tea, whore.

Teacher:
A+ I really liked this one!

Entry #24 - Em Em Is Very Hard to Please

First Em complainted that I'm neglecting my blog and to throw in some pictures as filler entries. I did exactly as instructed (which doesn't happen very often). THEN she said one picture per entry was too over the top and that a blog entry should have WORDS. There ARE words, Em. The words on the sign. :D Else they won't be all that funny eh?

So anyway, in an effort to appease my sister blog blogmate in the blogosphere. Here her entry with W-O-R-D-S.

Entry #23 - Sign 9

Entry #22 - Sign 8

Entry #21 - Sign 7

Entry #20 - Sign 6

Entry #19 - Sign 5

Entry #18 - Sign 4

Entry #17 - Sign 3

Entry #16 - Sign 2

Entry #15 - Sign 1

Entry #14 - Just Call Me the Queen of Cop Out Blogs

Muhahaha. Beat this, Em.

Entry #13 - More Filler (aka Cop Out) Post

Em said fillers are acceptable, so here goes. This is the massive Ikea shelf Hubby and I are perhaps going to buy over the weekend. My coworker JJ (same name as Em's panda :) asked if I have enough stuff to fill the shelf. Hah! She obviously doesn't know me well enough. :D I have enough chit to fill the entire shelf... and then some.



Did I mention that the shelf is 72" x 72"?

Entry #12 - The Bistro Is Open for Business

Per Em's, very persistent if I may add, request, here's a picture of the patio furniture that Hubby and I have recently acquired.

Our corner(?) bistro is now officially open for business. :) (Somehow it just sounds classy when you call it a corner bistro. :D)

Entry #11 - Jing Jing

This is my complaint that Em Em did not replace or chubby panda bear mascot with Jing Jing, the 2008 Olympic panda.

Entry #10 - Blog of the Day: Indexed

I feel that putting the link to Indexed, a simply gorgeous blog doesn't do it justice. So I'll dedicate an entire entry for it. Everybody please swing by and check out INDEXED.

Entry #9: Air Force Test

Since Em demanded that I put in filler blogs when I have blogger's block, anything goes. This is a link from an email that Em sent me today. (I'm so glad I called this her sister blog. At least folks will understand my incessant reference to EM.)

See if you have what it takes to be an Air Force Pilot here.

And since I'm too lazy to write my own description, here's the content of her email:

This will drive you nuts!! Have fun and send it on to your friends! The
object of the game is to move the red block around without getting hit by the blue blocks or touching the black walls. If you can go longer than 18 seconds you are phenomenal. It's been said that the US Air Force uses this for fighter pilots. They are expected to go for at least 2 minutes. Give it a try but be careful...it is addictive!!

Entry #8: Em

I titled this entry Em because, well, Em has been complainting that I've been neglecting my blog. Yes, I said MY blog. Before that she complainted that I didn't leave enough feedback on her blog. Sheesh. Anyone get the feeling that Em is a very high maintenance friend? :)

She said even filler blog is okay, so here goes.

Must read this blog, Em. I absolutely love it.

Indexed